Aristotle once referred to metaphoric thinking as the highest form of brain function. In this way, our current experience can teach us about the bigger picture.
I’m with Aristotle on this. Most often the metaphoric perspective comes with reflection for me. On a physical 
level things can appear to suck, but on a spiritual level there’s always a blessing. Doug passing wasn’t bad. It certainly wasn’t what we had pictured. But that doesn’t mean it was bad. It just wasn’t what we had pictured.
Reflecting back on the days before his passing, I can’t help but wonder if, on some level, Doug knew that his time left on this earth was coming to a close. Might he have been helping to prepare me for this huge adjustment?
A couple weeks ago it got really cold and my low tire pressure light came on. The Christmas before he passed, he bought me a compressor that plugs into the cigarette lighter. When he gave it to me, I thought to myself, cool gadget but I’ll never use it. I used to affectionately call gifts such as these, “for you for me” gifts. Something you buy for the other person that you really want for yourself. Yet there I was, 2+ years later, filling my tires while thanking Doug for setting me up with this handy dandy, easy to use, compressor.
For our last Valentine’s Day with him in the flesh, in addition to flowers he bought me a plaque. He didn’t present it to me. He placed it above the door frame of our upstairs bathroom for me to find. That door is at the top of the stairs in plain view.
Funny thing, I didn’t notice it. After 2 weeks he moved it to our bedroom. This time he placed it above the window frame across from the foot of the bed. You might think that it was more in my face in that location. I know Doug did. I didn’t notice it until he asked me to look above the window. I’m cutting myself some slack here, it was partially hidden by curtains. It said, “Grow old with me… the best is yet to be.” We had been discussing our retirement. I was deeply touched by his thoughtfulness, although, he seemed mildly exasperated by my obliviousness. Oops!
Somewhere between Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day I was facilitating my Heroines Journey Group. I was 
on Zoom, downstairs, with the door closed. He was on the first floor, in the living room, watching television. All he could hear through the door was white noise, until he heard his name, that is. You know how hearing your name sparks your attention?
When I came upstairs at the end of the call, he asked, “Were you talking about me?”
“I always talk about you,” I responded, “We have great stories.”
His response, “I have resigned myself to the fact that in order to be with you that I will be talked about and written about, and I’m at peace with that.” In hindsight he was giving me permission and his blessing. I find comfort in knowing our love lives on through our stories in my work with clients.
In April he brought me a pot of daffodils. I didn’t make that connection until later, either. Doug had originally proposed to me at a restaurant called, “The Jonquils” (daffodils in French). Now, every spring he pops up in my garden to remind me of his love with daffodils.
On my last Mother’s Day Doug gave me path lights. He knew I had been wanting more of them. He acknowledged the recent flowers as he presented me with a bouquet of path lights. I was delighted! He also gave me a new life jacket. He bought one for himself as well. Our son had recently purchased a pontoon boat with his help. He explained how these life jackets would be perfect for swimming off the boat with the grandkids. (this way we wouldn’t have to constantly tread water)
Path lights and a life jacket.
He slipped away the following morning.
The day after the funeral we launched the pontoon boat for the first time. As I revisited this memory, I
saw the boat as the picture of him holding us all in his love. We would not have been able to go for a boat ride all together if it hadn’t been for this boat that he found on Craig’s List, alerted my son to, and picked up with his truck. (Thank you Jen Smith, for capturing our maiden voyage in honor of Doug.)
What powerful metaphors.
A couple weeks later a colleague called to express her condolences. I told her about the path lights. She asked where I put them. “On the path leading to the front door,” I responded. “OMG! Lighting the way Home.” I realized that by going first, he is lighting the way Home for us. Along with the life jacket, his thoughtfulness leading up to his passing helped me to feel less like I was being left treading water.
After he passed, I vividly remember telling him, “I want to believe that what you said is true—that we will grow old together and that the best is yet to be.” Call me crazy or call me open to a love beyond the scope of my understanding.
I have revisited these events before, but in writing about them more of the metaphors emerged. A love beyond the scope of my understanding is becoming within the scope of my understanding with time. I wish he was physically here, but honestly, I’m not sure we could have learned what we are learning about life, love, and relationships, if we were both on the same side of the veil. On a spiritual level our relationship has been incredible. (There’s more on that in my blog post, “Your Ahas are My Ahas.”)
If you have gotten this far, thank you for listening to my metaphoric thinking. I hope there’s a gift of comfort in my reflections for you too.
The plaque is in my kitchen where I can see it and remember that he is still here and that we are still connected, just in a beautiful new way. Now that he doesn’t have an ego (and I still do) he can help me with the important stuff.
After having coffee with him this morning, the thought to listen to our wedding song popped into my head. “Always and Forever,” by Heatwave. Of course it was. I let it wash over me. Tears flowed. That's okay too.
I hope you know you are loved.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Trish
Couldn't have cone at a better time. Thank you for sharing.
Interesting how that happens. Thank you for letting me know and you are most welcome.
Wishing you comfort.
Thank you so much I appreciate both you and Doug!
I'm all choked up in a good way ????
Thank you, Deana. I am glad. Namaste.
That’s just so beautiful, true and impactful Trish ??
There are always times to reflect and as we piece it all together we find there is meaning in everything we do. Cherish those moments and memories with Doug - he is still with you.
Thank you, Linda. "Piecing it together," I like that takeaway! One of my favorite quotes is from a Danish Philosopher, Søren Kierkegaard. "“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”
Thank you for taking the time to share and adding dimension to my story.
So powerful Trish!! You have me choked up, beautiful and how interesting about the gifts and their unfolding!
Sounds like multiple taste buds were activated. I appreciate your sharing how it touched you, and your takeaway. The unfolding all the way back to the song we chose as our wedding song. Honestly, I hadn't given much thought to that song until one of my grandchildren asked me about it after his passing and then it came up again as I was reflecting on the gifts. I believe that was Doug's prompting.
It’s a blessing to read this story of spirit and love with such beautiful metaphors. It’s a quiet reminder for me to look for more metaphors in my life. Happy Valentines Trish.
Hi Karen,
Thanks for your Valentine wishes and touching feedback. I’m so glad to hear that my story inspired you to look for more metaphors in your own life.
Enjoy the journey!
Happy Valentine’s Day Trish. I always love reading Love stories. Thank you for sharing yours & Doug’s. This one is so special ?? ??
Thank you, Denise, and thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm glad it touched you too.
Thank you for sharing this lovely memory.
You are most welcome, Cherune. Thank you for taking the time to comment. It means a lot.
Thank you, Trish, for sharing. This certainly made me cry but in such a beautiful way. I can personally relate to your journey! Love and light to you always!
You are most welcome, Karen. I'm glad it touched you in a beautiful way. Love and light to you, as well. Thank you for taking the time to write.
Happy belated Valentine’s Day to you Trish .. I truly love this blog . It touched my heart and helped to remind myself of the many times I realized my loved one who are no longer with me on earth , are with me in spirit .
Thank you, Michele. After Doug passed, my grandson who was 7 at the time, said, "He can love us more now." I so believe that to be true. You are so loved.
Thank you for taking the time to share your heart.
What a lovely reminder to peel back the layers & look for all the beautiful connections that weave our lives together.
I like the tapestry metaphor, Bree. Thank you for taking the time to add this dimension to my story.
Thank you Trish for sharing your sweet and touching a stories. ??
You are most welcome, Helen. It is nice to know that my stories touch others. It keeps me writing. :)
Beautiful, Patrish…so touching and so true. Thank you for being you.
Aww... thank you, Phyl.
What a beautiful story Trish. I have tears in my eyes and can feel the love.
Thank you, Dorothy. I have heard it said that the love we don't receive will be saved for us until we are ready. I totally get this now.
Thank you for sharing how my story touched you.
Hi Trish,
This is so beautiful. All his gifts were truly to help you when he was on the other side of the veil - a love that transcends the physical and permeates your life in so many unexpected ways. Thanks for this article about the power of love
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